Tonight is bittersweet. I’ve been struggling w/this off and on for a little while lately, and it just hit me again while getting ready. Here I am, prepping for my first real show evar (I’ve done many performances before, but they were all associated in one way or another w/RU), and I have no family here to see me.
Moreover, I’ve been performing in the local hookah bar since this past October, and the only family member who’s come to see me.. is my WONDERFUL grandma. (Who, make no mistake, I absolutely ADORE, and feel BLESSED AS HELL that she’s come out to be w/me, aside from the blessings of her still just being here, on the planet.)
While I’m really happy and grateful that ANYONE comes to my shows, and am SO filled w/gratitude to the other dear friends and loved-ones in my life who have come to support me @ my performances, it just kinda hurts a little, ya know? While I know she’s a busy woman, and while we do fight a good bit, my mom and I are still close, and she’s never come out. Neither have any of the family that I think of as being pretty close.. even though they’re all in-state. Granted, they are all 2.5 - 4.5 hours away (including my gramma), and I know that that’s no hop-skip-or-jump. But just sometimes, once in a while, during times like these (especially during prep for big performances, when I start pondering who might attend), it just kinda reaches in, and gets to me. It doesn’t make me angry really.. just kind of.. sad, and, I’ll admit, a little resentful; given the amount of time that I’ve been doing this, and the few big performance opportunities that I’ve shared w/them far in advance, which they still somehow have all missed. …
Ah well. I have practicing to do, and no tome to revel in any little self-inflicted pity parties. Time to finish the last of my planning, gather up the last of my performance goodies and GO TO BED! :)